You’ve seen them. Everyone has seen them - The kid nagging, whining and maybe even screaming because they want that one special thing in the checkout line.
We’ve all rolled our eyes and wondered what kind of parenting this kid is getting, because he is acting a fool in public. Heck – I’ve even thought about going up to the kid and yelling at him to “Knock it off!” or say “THAT is ENOUGH!” However, I still needed to continue to shop and not be escorted out by the security guard for yelling at a child who is not mine. (On a personal note – I wonder if actually having a stranger come up to the kid would be a useful way to get the kid to be quiet? If it scares them enough, the parent could always pull out the “You better behave before someone scary comes and yells at you” card. Just sayin’…. )
My brother was THAT kid. He was the one constantly nagging and whining about some piece of candy, toy or whatever had struck his fancy that day.
My mom hated it. You could openly tell that she hesitated taking us places because she was afraid that she would have to deal with him. I mean, sure, she’d start out strong with a very stern “No”. But inevitably my brother would wear her down because he was escalating his behavior and it was becoming quite embarrassing for her. And nothing smelled of victory to my brother quite like hearing my mom say “Fine. Just be quiet!” in as hushed of a tone as she could muster. And once he had established that it took X amount of complaining for Y period of time to get Z, then he couldn’t be stopped.
I watched my brother pull that routine more times than I can count. But for the life of me, I can’t remember ever having such a fit. Now, I’m not professing to be some sort of angel here. I’m sure there were times when I cried about not getting something that I wanted. But I am supremely confident that I never rose to the level of ridiculousness that my brother did.
Fast forward 20+ years – My brother still lives with my mother (for reasons that will be discussed at length later). She provides food, shelter, car, money and as much enabling as she can for him. Has this routine of whining and complaining really evolved and continued on for this long of a period of time?? You betcha!!!
All my brother has to do is pull out his monologue on how hard he has it, how he’s been wronged by so many people, how nothing works out the way it should (ok – that’s how HE thinks it should) and how if only she would ____________________ , then he could get it together. He has this particular routine, and variations of it, ready to lay on as thick as possible for whatever cause he has on tap.
And lately, I have begun to think to myself that I should adopt a similar extreme “woe-is-me” story for my mom and I could probably get more out of her. However, just the thought of it makes me feel dirty. I know that it’s wrong to do that. And part of me thinks that he knows it too, but that she’s just such as easy mark…..so, why not? (Does anyone else smell no inheritance because of this? – Shit! She’ll be lucky to have any money to retire at the rate it’s going.)
At this point in my tale, I think it’s best to talk a little more in depth about my brother. – At his core, he’s a pretty decent guy. However, his many character flaws tend to overshadow his decent attributes. He’s extremely loyal, but has a tendency to be loyal to people who will eventually stab him in the back. He’s smart, but lacks motivation a great deal of the time. He has a great sense of humor, but it can be very dark. He sees what I have or have gotten and thinks that even though he hasn’t put the time and effort in, that he should get the same treatment. If he sees your weakness, he will exploit it whenever it is to his advantage. He has a very centric view of his world – we should all do what he wants because we just live in his world. He also has a very LARGE sense of entitlement (and I wish I knew WHERE that came from, because I see so many other people like that too and I just want to beat it out of them!!).
And I think I should point out that I DO love my brother. There are just times (sometimes it is a LOT of the time) when I don’t LIKE him. There is a distinction. And if you have a family member like this, you probably understand more than anyone who doesn’t.
And yet with all of these “flaws” he still is the favored child. Now, when I say “favored”, I mean that he gets the attention, pity, money and unwavering support. My mom isn’t completely blind (just MOSTLY). She wouldn’t trust him to handle her stuff unless it was a choice between him and a complete stranger who looked greasy and seriously sketchy.
Until next time…………
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